Saying goodbye

Since discovering skype I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with it. Let's start with the love part. The fact that I can have live video conversations with James and he is 4000 miles away is truly amazing! Being able to SEE someone while talking is definitely a whole new level of being able to connect. Seeing his smile as he talks to me and watching him laugh at something funny we talk about is priceless. I know that a few years ago that communicating in this fashion wouldn't have even been a possibility. I am grateful that this exists for us today.

Now onto the hate part of my relationship with skype. I am totally dependent on it and when it isn't working properly it is very frustrating. For anyone who has ever used it you know the complications. I think somedays I could say "your picture is frozen" in my sleep (just some glitch that happens often on some days or due to the speed of the internet connection). So when I have waited ALL day to see him and it is not working properly it makes me want to cry. On those days I remind myself that he is just as frustrated and we are in this together.

Ending conversations on skype is my LEAST favorite thing about it. What I wouldn't do to be able to reach through the computer screen and give him a hug goodbye, or touch his face, or  kiss him. Some days are easier than others, and today was not one of them. As I have on a few other occasions, I started to tear up when saying goodbye. I try hard not to cry because I know that it is hard for him to see. He doesn't want to see me sad and not be able to "fix it." I don't think it will ever be easy, saying goodbye totally stinks!!!!

***83 days (it's after midnight here) until my goodbye can finally be a big hug, a kiss, and "sweet dreams!"