It doesn't seem possible that a month ago today I was crawling into bed next to James for the last night of my time in Paris. It seems so much longer than that since the last time I got to kiss him goodnight. My last day in Paris was wonderful. James and I spent the day sightseeing in Paris with Maelle, one of his daughters. It was truly wonderful to get to see the Dad side of him in action. That day in Paris was truly bittersweet. On one hand it was wonderful to be in the city that I love so much with the love of my life. On the other hand I was dreading each passing hour as I knew it meant that the time would arrive when I would have to say goodbye. If a genie had appeared that day I would have surely asked for time to stand still. Instead I tried my best to smile and soak in every last second. On the drive home that last night we listened to "our songs" and held hands in the car with tears running down both of our faces. I am not sure that I slept much that last night as I knew that waking up meant I had to leave for the airport. On the way to the airport we stopped at the bakery for one last croissant. At the airport we went through the motions of finding the ticket counter I had to check in at and checking my luggage (which was NOT over the weight limit this time). We then proceed to the security area and arrived to find a pretty long line. Suddenly it was time to say goodbye. Amongst all of the tears we kissed and hugged each other. Not knowing when the next time I would be able to do this, I definitely held on a little tighter. Maelle began to cry and we did a group hug. I knew that there would be things I wanted to say to him but wouldn't be able to, so I had written him a note before leaving for the airport that morning and tucked it in his pocket when saying goodbye. There was one last kiss and I started the walk through the zig zag security line. James and Maelle stayed and watched me until the very last second they could see me, they blew me a kiss and then they were gone from sight. I am pretty sure that the other passengers flying didn't quite know what to make of me. I did my best to cry silently as I sat on the plane waiting to take off. Once we were in flight and I couldn't stop crying I thought it would be a good idea to take out my journal that I had brought with and try and write through the tears. As I jotted down some things I didn't want to forget about my time in Paris for whatever reason I flipped a few pages ahead. There was a note from James and petals from my Valentine roses. This definitely brought on the tears even stronger. As I got ready that morning I sat looking at my flowers and was thankful that I had taken a picture of them since I had to leave them behind. Now I sat looking at the petals knowing that he had thought the same thing and wanted to send a piece of them with me.
I would like to be able to say that it has gotten easier as this month has passed, but that wouldn't be truthful. You see I know what I am missing now. Before arriving in Paris I had envisioned what my time with James would be like. How much fun we would have, what it would be like to hug him, to kiss him, to wake up next to him. Now I know, and my heart does too. When you have found your person you just want to be next to them. So now continues the process of making that happen.
