If only I had magically powers...

I wish I had a magic wand! This would come in handy in so many situations but I am not looking to "abuse" this special gift. The last few weeks I have just wanted it for one purpose. You see James has been dealing with a sports injury for a while now and it has progressively gotten worse and he is needing to take the next step of "fixing" it. This involves trying to be patient to see the specialist and in the meantime deal with some intense pain. It is so difficult to be so far away and not be able to comfort him, or hug him, or make him dinner, or run to the store if he needs something. All of the things that I should be able to do but the "pond" between us causes a bit of a barrier. He deserves to be cared for and to have a "nurse" by his side to try and make this experience as easy as possible. Instead I have to send my well wishes and blow my healing kisses over email or skype and pray that he is able to remain as comfortable as possible for the next step.

I am sure that there are many people that can relate to this situation with someone they love being far away and not feeling well or needing a little bit of chicken noodle soup to make the day a lil bit better. I just want to be able to be there for him and be a caregiver, it's in my blood to do so. I am not sure how to make this any easier or how to convey my deepest and most caring thoughts when all I have are words right now.

If anyone knows how to access that magic wand or has a spare wish from a genie laying around, please consider letting me use it!!
P.S. 76 days to Paris

The Lynn project

The Lynn project was launch the end of the summer in 2008, with a more official take off the end of January 2009. The year or so prior to this had handed me many life challenges and changes. I don't think that there was one singular event that started things in motion but more like a handful of things. I started making conscious decisions to put effort into the things I had control over and let go of the things that I didn't. I started doing yoga, took a meditation class, put energy into better nutrition, joined a gym,  got a personal trainer, started doing pilates, started traveling more and exploring hobbies. Now this may sound like no big deal to a healthy and active person, but for me it was a series of small big steps towards putting myself as a priority. These are things that I rarely did, let alone all together and on a consistent basis.

It was interesting that the more energy I put into myself the less I worried about "the other stuff." Now you may be curious what "the other stuff" was for me. To sum it up, I have a great career and amazing family/friends but as a thirty-something, single and childless, you start to feel the pressure. I have done my fair share of dating but as all of the single ladies can attest, it is A LOT of work. I seriously think it should be considered a second job. So I decided to change my second job to one that would have much greater success and outcomes that I could control (remember from an earlier post I kinda like control).

So how does the old saying go, something like "they will find you when you least expect it?!" This could not be more true for me. You see putting ALL of my free time into myself I wasn't looking for "the one" anymore. I was able to shift my perspective and recognize how great of a life I had and I really  found myself saying things like, "I don't have time to date. Someone is going to have to be REALLY fantastic to have a place in my busy and full life. I am not looking anymore, they can find me." Low and behold this stuff really works, James found me (again)!!!

The project doesn't end here. As James has been back in my life I continue to do the things I set out to do. Now in addition to my amazing friends and family,  I have a really handsome cheerleader that is sharing in my successes and encouraging me on the days I need it.  I still have goals that I am striving for and will achieve. "Thank you to ALL of my cheerleaders", and to the handsome one with a sexy French accent "thank you for loving me as Lynn as I strive for Marilyn".

(Side note: In explaining to James one of my goals I told him that I wanted to be "fit yet curvy" and I used Marilyn Monroe to illustrate that)

P.S. 80 days to Paris

Do you have a lover?

On my last visit to France I had the privilege of meeting and spending time with James' 2 daughters. We had so much fun playing with them, coloring, doing hair, and all things girly. Looking back at the photos it reminds me of those good times and how grown up they are now. His oldest daughter and I have exchanged some messages on Facebook. His youngest daughter and I have had the opportunity to talk on Skype with one another. The first time that we spoke she sang me the song "head, shoulders, knees and toes" in English!!! It was so adorable! As time goes on she becomes a little less shy with trying to practice her English with me and has even tried to teach me some French (I am sure you can guess who does better with this).
A little over a month ago the three of us were talking with each other. I had gotten distracted and upon returning to the conversation she asks me(with an adorable French accent) "Lynn, do you have a lover?" I had no idea how to answer this. I didn't know if she had come up with the question on her own or if James was teasing and having her ask me something that she maybe didn't totally understand the meaning of. I looked to him for guidance as to how to answer the question and he just kept smiling as if to say "well, what's your answer?" After some hesitation I told her "yes, I do." She then proceeds to ask me "who is it?" Again, not sure how to answer this but told her, "he is sitting next to you." Her reaction was a big smile with some giggling.
She then goes back to playing nearby while still kind of a part of the conversation. At the first opportunity I asked James "what was that all about? Did you tell her to ask me that?" He then explained that she had asked him if he had a lover and he had told her yes and that it was me. She thought that he was teasing her so he encouraged her to ask me the same question. After further discussion I understood that the term "lover" doesn't have the EXACT same meaning as I thought it did. I mean come on, in my head a LOVER is what they talk about in romance novels, doesn't that seem a bit advanced for an 8 year old? But to the best of my interpretation, she was asking if he loved anyone. To which he had responded YES!
So there you have it, another reason to fall in love in France...the children freely ask "do you have a lover?"

PS 82 days until I get to see my "lover"

Saying goodbye

Since discovering skype I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with it. Let's start with the love part. The fact that I can have live video conversations with James and he is 4000 miles away is truly amazing! Being able to SEE someone while talking is definitely a whole new level of being able to connect. Seeing his smile as he talks to me and watching him laugh at something funny we talk about is priceless. I know that a few years ago that communicating in this fashion wouldn't have even been a possibility. I am grateful that this exists for us today.

Now onto the hate part of my relationship with skype. I am totally dependent on it and when it isn't working properly it is very frustrating. For anyone who has ever used it you know the complications. I think somedays I could say "your picture is frozen" in my sleep (just some glitch that happens often on some days or due to the speed of the internet connection). So when I have waited ALL day to see him and it is not working properly it makes me want to cry. On those days I remind myself that he is just as frustrated and we are in this together.

Ending conversations on skype is my LEAST favorite thing about it. What I wouldn't do to be able to reach through the computer screen and give him a hug goodbye, or touch his face, or  kiss him. Some days are easier than others, and today was not one of them. As I have on a few other occasions, I started to tear up when saying goodbye. I try hard not to cry because I know that it is hard for him to see. He doesn't want to see me sad and not be able to "fix it." I don't think it will ever be easy, saying goodbye totally stinks!!!!

***83 days (it's after midnight here) until my goodbye can finally be a big hug, a kiss, and "sweet dreams!"

It's everywhere...

Not long after James and I had reconnected, a friend pointed out how many things in my apartment are pieces of Paris. Up to this point I had never realized it. As I took a closer look at this it was surreal to see that in every room of my apartment there is something. Just to give you a visual, there is a picture of the "Arc de Triomphe" hanging on the wall when you walk in. There is a picture over my bed that says "Le Monde Des Chimeres" that lists the location as Ile St. Louis, Paris.  The shower curtain in the bathroom is of a couture dress and among other things says Paris on it. Are you seeing a theme here? To top it all off there is an actual Eiffel Tower statue sitting on the floor in my living room. That's right folks I have had mine own Eiffel Tower for the last 5+ years.  So imagine the smile I get on my face whenever James sends me a note to say "I just waved at the Eiffel Tower for you until you are here to see it again for yourself." 

So what does this all mean? Was it the universe keeping me connected to France all this time? Has my soul been privy to my future long before I was and preparing me for this day? Or is it just that I really liked Paris when I was there and therefore have incorporated it into the decor in my home? I don't know the answer for sure but it definitely feels like the stars are aligning a bit in my world these days!!!

***86 more days and I will be waving at the Eiffel Tower myself, woo hoo!!!

French bread and french wine...

I am pretty sure a girl could live off of those! Last time I was in France I had memorable experiences with both and to this day others remind me of the stories. While having dinner one night with the family I was "given the honor" of opening the bottle of wine. Let's just say that didn't go so well. See the French are professionals at opening wine, therefore they do not need any fancypants wine bottle openers. In my attempt to open the wine the cork decided to break into little pieces and stay in the bottle. SUPER proud moment for sure! This pictures is one that I sent to James after my trip and he still has it to this day. Thank God I looked cute while illustrating my lack of skills in the department of wine!

We have had no less than 3 conversations about this specific event of my last trip. One new piece of information is very reassuring to me, according to James, it is usually the man's job to open the wine. Score: Lynn=1, future embarrassment of opening wine=0.

Onto the second basic food group in France, the bread! I swear to you that I could live off of it. It is appealing to me that this seems to be available at every corner bakery. I do not know what the magic is in the way they bake bread but it does not exist in the states. Upon returning to the states I think we tried every version of french bread in a 50 mile radius and NONE of them came close. So while talking about sending little gifts to each other or the upcoming holidays, James asked me what I would like. My response, "french bread." Now if there was an economical way to make that happen and it would arrive tasting as fresh as it does there, I would be one happy girl. Until that magically day happens, I will have to just dream about partaking in this during the next trip.

Paris=87 days and counting

I speak French...

Well that is a big fat lie!!! French is a beautiful language but one that is VERY challenging for me to be learning at this point in life. Many people say that it is close to Spanish and Italian, well that's great but I don't speak those either. Maybe the universe should have helped me out back in 9th grade and I would have learned Spanish instead of German. I mean no offense to German but it is not really helping me out with my international love affair with a man in France.

During many conversations with James he points out an English word that is French in origin, like souvenir or bizarre. This morning when we somehow got to talking about food he was telling me that snails are pretty good. To which I replied, "isn't the word escargot?" "Yes, that's it!" That's right folks, my french vocabulary is now at 3! Ok, maybe that is an exaggeration. I have been learning some french from a really great tutor (aka James). With the help of him, the books I have borrowed from friends, and a set of cds titled "learn conversational french in 10 days" I should have a few more words in my vocabulary by February. At least I have got the important ones down...je t'aime (I love you) and gros bisous (big kisses)!

P.S. 88 days to Paris...

How do you?

So how do you fall in love with someone who is over 4000 miles away from you?

That question never entered my mind until I began to wonder what "others" would think. I have always lived my life making choices that others didn't always agree with; but the reality is that the opinion of my family and friends does matter and I want them to be happy for me and excited that I have found someone SO amazing. In examining what this worry is about for me so many things were brought to the surface.

For those that know me well, you know that I am a bit of a "fan" of control. I like to be in the driver's seat and really kind of like to know where I am headed. In falling in love with James, this road map is completely foreign to me. I know that in a new relationship it is common to think about the future and try to envision what that looks like but throw an international relationship into that mix and it is a bit harder to wrap my brain around. All of the things that would need to get sorted out...where would we live, how would we make that happen, how do you make that legal, how do we have jobs in a country that we are not citizens of, if we are not married or if we are does this further complicate things?

I believe that as things have progressed these are "normal" questions that are arising. Yet I feel this other voice in my head that is a critic or naysayer. That voice is saying things like "really Lynn, you are considering moving across the world? You would leave a really good job and life you have built here? How do you know that he is the one for you?"

As all of these things swirl around in my head I know this...I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to make this work yet. I don't know what I would do in another country. I don't know how I will leave all that I have here in MN if it is decided that I will move to France for a while. BUT I do know this, I have found a person that makes me happy. The "I am 5 years old on Christmas morning and got THE best present from Santa in the universe kind of happy." In spite of all of the unknowns that lie ahead, it has NEVER been so easy to build a relationship with someone. As scary as the unknown is, I am going to try and stay in the moment. The moments I get to have every single day of falling in love, being adored, laughing, smiling, sending sweet notes to each other, and loving him more each day.

If the universe brought us together and we are meant to be forever, all the other stuff will figure itself out. That includes the feelings and opinions of "others," because in the end doesn't everyone just want me to be happy, even if that means they have to come visit me in France for a while?

P.S. 90 days until Paris...

93 days...

Until I arrive in Paris and a whole new adventure begins. At the encouragement of one of my best friends I am creating this blog. The goal is for it to be a personal journal of sorts of all the excitement and joy that is overflowing in my life right now. My amazing group of friends insist that I will need to "keep them posted" while in Paris and so here begins the story.

Seven years ago I was fortunate enough to travel to France with a few people very near and dear to my heart. This individual has been instrumental in my life and has had a part in shaping me into the person I am today. This person has an AMAZING story of their own which brought us to France so that she could visit her brothers. So here I am in France, a beautiful country that mesmerized me from the start. I mean who isn't in awe at seeing the Eiffel Tower in person and all the beauty that it holds?! I had an wonderful time seeing some of the sights in France and spending time with her family. Upon my return to the states I stayed connected for a while to her brother, James, via phone and email. Then things somehow dwindled off.

Over the last 7 years there have been the occasional, "James says hi" or "tell James hi for me when you talk to him next." Hearing that he had said hi or to hear how he was doing always brought a smile to my face. While I only spent weeks with him in person there was something about him...he was kind, friendly, an amazing tour guide/interpreter, funny, and let's not forget handsome!!

So fast forward to the summer of 2009. I once again was able to spend some time with some of the family from France while they were here in MN for a month. The first day of hanging out and Elly says "James says hi!" The next weekend of hanging out Milan says "Lynn, do you remember my uncle James?" I replied with a "yeeeessss." To which he replied with some giggling and speaking to his family in French.

So about this same time I am telling this story to another friend and sharing how I was curious about what the giggling was about and how more than once his name was brought to my attention. Within ONE hour of this conversation James had contacted me! He asked me to be "friends" on Facebook. We spent the next day talking for hours and hours. Then we discovered how to use Skype. For anyone who is not technologically inclined, this is an amazing way to have video conversations for FREE. The endless hours of talking continued...for days and days. Who needs sleep when you can't stop smiling?

As the days go on I find myself more and more attracted to this person before me. Everything that he stands for and believes in, the person he has become after an unfortunate start in this world, how damn funny he is, how I blush when he tells me how beautiful I am, how he tells me that he knows I am an amazing person. The list goes on and on...

I begin to share this story with those close to me. This included some dear friends who have known me for almost half of my life. At hearing how excited I was about this person they were overjoyed for me. So what amazing act of generosity happens? I am given a plane ticket to travel to France and see James...and today marks the "93 days to Paris."