Wanting a baby

As James and I recently passed our 2nd wedding anniversary it isn’t surprising to anyone that we frequently get asked about having babies. It’s a natural question in the sequence of life, you get married then people wonder if you are going to start (or add) to your family. The quick answer for us is that we do want a baby(and I can hear my clock ticking). The longer, more complicated answer follows.

My work in France is not a full-time position. I am working more than one job but I do not have full-time status with any company. This means a few things, my income is inconsistent and not guaranteed from month to month and my benefits related to maternity are not as generous or maybe non-existent (we don't know for sure). This presents the first barrier and huge area of stress.

How do we have a baby when I am unsure of what I can contribute financial (and if I am not working that could be very little to none)? This seems to be the biggest barrier. Additionally,  my daily commute is a minimum of 3 hours, and that is on a good day. James tends to work most evenings during the week so how do we figure out childcare with such sporadic schedules? Then add in the scary, unknown factor of a foreign medical system(for me) and this stresses me out too.

It’s difficult to have an idea of how life "should" go, what we think it will look like at a certain point and then find out it isn’t always easy to make it happen that way. Some days, I wish my personality didn’t include being such a worry-wart and trying to make responsible choices. I know that James and I have a track record of facing unknown and challenging barriers and then succeeding. I hope that this will continue to be true in regards to this.

When I envision being a Mom I see a person who is excited (more like THRILLED) to be expecting and feels as confident as possible about bringing a new life into this world and being able to provide for that little person. I know that there is no "perfect" time to have a baby but unfortunately due to the things mentioned above it feels like this is not a good time or responsible decision. I don’t want to say that things would be so different or easy if we were in the same situation in the states. However, I have a large support network of family and friends there. I know how to navigate the systems.

Others may say, “what can we do to help?'” Say a little prayer, send out positive energy into the universe, ask the job fairies to find me a job that gives us a more secure income and good benefits, or just be a listening ear when I am frustrated or sad that this situation is very difficult. I have seen James as a Dad, he is an amazing one! Don’t even get me started on what it’s like to see him with a baby!!  I have always thought and felt in my heart that I was meant to be a Mom, I just have to believe that it will all work out. Besides, wouldn’t we make a REALLY cute baby?!

Little signs of Hope

So I have been going on quite a few interviews in the past weeks. I will update more on that in a post in the coming days (hopefully with good news). This last week as I was on my way to an interview I had 2 things happen to me that felt significant and maybe like a "sign" that something good was going to happen today.

As many people know, residents of Paris are fond of their dogs and are allowed to take them places that wouldn't be allowed in many places in the US. On the train from Chartres to Paris last week a passenger got on and had her dog with her (the first and only time I have seen a dog on the train so far). The dog quickly became a friend of all of those around him.  I sat there a bit surprised at the resemblance that the dog had to my 4-legged Hope (who is in doggie heaven). So I of course had to snap a picture of this little guy.

I then arrived at the Montparnasse station and jumped on the metro to go to my interview. I sat down and quickly notice that there was another 4-legged friend in the subway car with us. He was a guide dog for his owner who was blind. As I sat there I was finding it a bit too crazy that he looked very much like Jax (my 4-legged "nephew" who is also in doggie heaven).

I find it a bit too coincidental that on my way to this interview last week I crossed paths with not 1 but 2 look-a-likes of our family. I couldn't help but smile and feel a bit of comfort knowing that I received a little message that day that I had some of my "friends" with me as I faced yet another interview.

Thanks Hope and Jax! Hope you (or your look-a-like cousins enjoy Paris)!

Hope in one of her many diva outfits! Let's hope I was a "rockstar" in that interview!