Keeping it real...

This post is slightly different from most of my entries but it's just me keeping it real with my thoughts and feelings...

I have been so excited for my trip back to see friends and family. Like a kid counting down the days until the end of the school year kind of excited! Yesterday was my last day of work prior to leaving so that I could give myself a day to pack and get some things done at home before leaving tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon I found myself a bit unsettled about the trip, strange and so unexpected! I tried to figure out what in the hell could be wrong with me! Really I am SO excited to see my people and do some things I have been missing like crazy so why could I possibly be anything but over-the-moon happy about getting a month in MN.

After a little analysis (no one should be surprised that I analyze, and often times over-analyze) I have come up with 2 things that have caused a slight shift in my feelings. The first is quite obvious (well to me it is), I am sad that I am not going to be able to share this month with James. The logical side of me knows that it isn't possible for this trip but I know I am going to have SO much fun and I hate that he will miss out on that. I also love when he can spend time with the other people I love because him being able to connect to them is important to me too.

The second reason is a bit more difficult to admit and talk about. In this last year I have continued on my journey to try and lead a healthier lifestyle and lose weight. This has been a pretty long journey for me and I have worked hard to get to where I am today. I am still not at my goal but have made some more progress this last year. There are things that are included in my life here that are just naturally part of my day and help me to stay on track. Going back to the states is going to challenge me in this area.

I am aware that there are certain things that will contribute to the challenge for me there. Some of the main ones are that:
A lot of my socializing will include food or drinks.
There are favorites that I haven't experienced in a year (restaurants and foods that are not easily available in France).
It is easy to overeat things when I think in terms of "OMG I don't know when I will be at this restaurant again or have this meal again so I better really enjoy it!"

However, I have found along this journey that knowledge and putting my fears out there will help me to stay on track. So after giving it a lot of thought I have a plan (again, who is surprised that this girl likes a plan). I want to enjoy going to dinner with friends and indulging a bit in things but I need to find a balance and ways to be active while I am there too.  I am going to try and be active in some way each day (just as I am most of the time in France) and I am going to try to eat intuitively (in hopes that I am eating when hungry and not overeating or eating just to eat).

So that is where I am at this morning. I want to return to France still on track, I want to prove to myself that I am capable of things that are difficult in this area of my life.  I don't anticipate that I will lose weight during this month that I am back in MN but I hope that I come back to France having maintained (and not gaining). My main goal is to enjoy every last second of my time there, spending it with amazing people and doing fun things!!!

I am off to get those suitcases ready now!!!!